self-regard
All societies have created an “etiquette” that incorporates a scheme of “deference” into its social conventions. In consequence, it would be an expression of bad manners (or stupidity) not to use the social determinations of who is to defer to whom. But, from the foregoing analysis, we know that taking a position of “deference” to any other human being creates the opportunity for compromising attainment of the ultimate human goal. Therefore, such etiquette has nothing to do with manners, good or bad; it is simply an attempt at deception. That is, conformity to the practice of “simple good manners” is being used to smuggle the concept of “deference” into popular acceptance.
A proper self-regard is the refusal to be taken in by this attempted deception. This requires the rejection of the etiquette contained in the social conventions and its replacement by an etiquette that gives recognition to the potential evolutionary value of every human being, as required by our understanding of evolutionary dynamics.
Proper self-regard mandates that we never address others in a manner that implies that we are of subordinate social value. Therefore, we should never capitulate to the use of such expressions as “your honor, your excellency, your holiness, your majesty etc.”. There would be no problem in accommodating “etiquette” by the is use of the position title to refer to the holder of that position as long as that title has no implications beyond that of the office. For example, in addressing a judge, use “Judge Smith” in lieu of “your honor”. However, there is a problem with titles if the title is such as “father” since that does have implications beyond the social position. In this situation I’m not sure what the alternative address would be. I suppose we could explain our problem and have them suggest an appropriate neutral term. If they can suggest none, then this is a person with whom it is not worth being engaged. The use of a formal address such as “sir” is appropriate as long as its use is mutual.
Proper self-regard also mandates we never allow ourselves to be addressed by others in a manner that implies that we are of subordinate social value. That is, the use of “formal” and “informal” address is never allowed to be asymmetrical between two parties. The general rule is that anyone who addresses us by our first name thereby is inviting reciprocation, regardless of the status of that person. If we are dealing with strangers, in most situations, a formal address (such as Mister) is required. However, in certain situations it is appropriate to engage in a familiar manner by the use of “first” names. These situations are those in which the use of the first name is mutual and the only interest for both parties to create friendly relationship, for instance, in dealing with a new neighbor. Of course, in dealing with a person who isn’t a stranger, the each party has the right to determine if a “familiar” or “formal” mutual relationship is appropriate.
Finally, proper self-regard mandates that we never engage in the use of any physical gestures which imply social subordination, such as bowing, kissing hands, standing up in the presence of a “special” person when standing would not be appropriate in the presence of an “ordinary” person, etc.
Incidentally, this idea of a proper self-regard, which we established from an understanding of Darwinian dynamics, was first proposed from a quite different source. The Religious Society of Friends has as one of its precepts “not to be a respecter of persons”. That precept incorporates most of the principles outlined above but was based on their understanding of Biblical ethics. Therefore, that precept was only an insight; through our understanding of evolutionary dynamics, that insight has been objectified and thus transformed into a truth.
As each individual requires “etiquette” to be based in these principles, the prospects for the attainment of the ultimate human goal are enhanced.
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- Introduction
- Part 1
- Truth
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- The Human Condition
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- Human Decency
- Enlightenment
- Part 2
- Culture Demystified
- The Elite
- Mediocrities
- Self-regard
- Self and Society
- Part 3
- Morals, Ethics, and Virtue
- The Concept of Evil is a Bad Idea
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